becominglocal

Radical Peace

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 13:00:38 GMT

By the Blood of the Cross

"For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on the earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross" (Colossians 1:19-20).

Without the indwelling Spirit of God, the world cannot comprehend the peace of God that comes only through the blood of Jesus on the cross. To the outside, this "peace" seems foolish, and even violent. This peace, to the world, is radical.

But to those of us who abide within the love of God, we view the blood of the cross as the ultimate loving sacrifice that paves the way for sinners like us to be in reconciled relationship with the one, true and living God. We cannot have true peace in our hearts and minds without first experiencing the peace of God at a soul level.

When Paul lists out the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5: 22-23, the radical fruit of peace follows first the fruit of love, and then the fruit of joy. We cannot have whole body and soul peace without first experiencing the joy that comes from knowing the abiding love of God through Jesus.

Throughout the month of April, we will be exploring what Scripture says leads us into this peace of God, and how God's peace differs from the world's version of peace.

The Radically Joyful Life

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 13:02:07 GMT

Carrying out the Ministry

Jesus Christ, God's Word in the flesh, lived a radical life that was fueled by a divinely anointed joy from the Spirit of God. As mentioned in the previous devotional, this joy of Jesus is rooted in a ministry of reconciliation where He lives to re-unite humanity with our Creator. But even more than that, He wishes for this same joy to dwell inside of all those who place their faith in His eternal work on our behalf. As mentioned previously, Jesus "is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them" (Hebrews 12:2). And it is His absolute joy to do so.

If the joy of the LORD is meant to dwell inside of us and fuel our lives, then what exactly does a radically joyful life look like for a follower of Christ?

A radically joyful life is rooted in God's abiding love through Jesus.
A radically joyful life is led by the indwelling Holy Spirit.
A radically joyful life is pleased to live in obedience to God's Word.
A radically joyful life is marked by bearing the image of God in a godless world.
A radically joyful life is fueled by ministering to others in a way that points to reconciliation with God.

What fascinates me about this radical way of living, is that it cannot be accomplished in isolation from community. What I mean is, while our relationship with God is deeply personal, it was not designed to be private. We cannot experience the fullness of God's joy or love without walking in intimate community with His people, Christ's Church. Our love is sanctified and our joy is expressed within the Body and Bride of Christ. As the world encounters God's people living in unity through the abiding love of God while overflowing with the divine joy of the Lord, they are able to witness visible and tangible images of the otherwise "invisible" God.

What is the result of living indwelled by the Holy Spirit of God, abiding in the love of God, and expressing the divine joy of God within His Body of the church? Ultimate peace . Which is the next fruit of the Spirit listed by Paul in Galatians 5. First was the fruit of love. Next was the fruit of joy (discussed throughout this month). And next is the fruit of peace, which we will be discussing throughout the month of April.

Whose Radical Joy?

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 13:30:01 GMT

A Joy Not of This World

In the previous devotional we read the words of Jesus recorded in John 15:11 which say, "These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full". This week, I want to dive a bit deeper into the joy of Jesus mentioned here. As the text says, before we can know full joy, we must first experience the joy of Jesus inside of us. But what exactly is the joy of Jesus?

The Joy of the Jesus is Anointed
In Psalm 45:7 we see a prophesy being sung about the character of and the anointing of Jesus. The Scripture reads,

"you have loved righteousness and hated wickedness.
Therefore God, your God, has anointed you
with the oil of gladness beyond your companions..."

The character of Jesus loves what is righteous and hates what is wicked. Because of this, God "anointed" Him "with the oil of gladness" that well surpassed any of his human "companions". The joy of Jesus is not only divine in nature beyond human ability, but it's also anointed by God as a result of His perfect righteousness. The joy of Jesus is not of this world. This is why we cannot experience joy in full here in this life, until we experience the anointed joy of Jesus. No other joy can compare to the joy of Jesus.

So where exactly does He receive His joy, and how can we access it as John 15:11 says we can?

The Joy of Jesus is Provided Through the Spirit
In Luke 10:21, we see Jesus rejoicing over the gracious will of God the Father. But even more than this, we see that His rejoicing is "in the Holy Spirit". God's Word took on flesh in the bodily form of Jesus. But it is God's Holy Spirit that supplies Jesus with His anointed joy. It's the Holy Spirit that works to reconcile sinners to God through saving faith in Jesus.

So in John 15:11 when Jesus hopes for His joy to be inside of us, what He is specifically hoping for, is for the Holy Spirit of God to also indwell us just as He indwells Jesus. Just one chapter before this, in John 14:23, we see John explain that when we abide in the love of God, God & Jesus & the Spirit make their home inside of that person. Paul further explains this process in Ephesians 3:16-17 as He explains that those who place their faith in Jesus receive the "power through his Spirit in [their] inner being", and as the Holy Spirit dwells in the most inner self, "Christ may dwell in [their] hearts through faith..."

Just like Jesus receives His Divine inner joy from the Holy Spirit of God, when we place our faith in the completed and eternal work of God through Jesus on the cross, we too receive the indwelling Holy Spirit of God which not only keeps us in the abiding love of God, but also gifts us with the same Divine joy given to Jesus. When this occurs, our joy becomes motivated by the same motivation as the joy of Jesus.

So what does motivate the joy of Jesus?

The Joy of Jesus is Motivated By Reconciliation
In Hebrews 12:2, we see that Jesus is described as "the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame" and as being now "seated at the right hand of the throne of God".

As we studied within John 15 throughout the month of January, nothing brings Jesus more joy than to reconcile sinners to the abiding love of His Father. In fact, "in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting" our "trespasses against" us (2 Corinthians 5:19). The ministry of reconciliation is the joy of Jesus. It's what motivated Him all the way to the cross, and what continues to motivate Him as He sits at the right hand of God and serves as our final High Priest and mediator. We read in Hebrews 12:2 that Jesus "is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them."

If a ministry of reconciliation motivates the joy of Jesus, and the joy of Jesus is meant to indwell inside of us through the Holy Spirit, then what kind of life should we as believers live? Well, a life that is also motivated by reconciliation. Not just our own reconciliation to God, but also the reconciliation between other sinners and God. We will pick up right here in next week's devotional!

Radical Joy

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 06:29:29 GMT

More than Happiness

As we discussed throughout the month of February, full joy can only be known as a result of abiding in the love of God through Jesus. This is why, when listing out the fruit of the Spirit, the Apostle Paul chose to place the fruit of joy immediately after the fruit of love, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy , peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control..." (Galatians 5: 22-23). Holy Spirit love leads to Holy Spirit joy.

But what's so radical about Holy Spirit level joy? Well, for starters, the kind of joy mentioned here isn't just the human emotion of happiness. Happiness is often times circumstantial and cannot sustain us through the challenges of this life. We see this same kind of joy mentioned by Jesus in John 15: 11 when He made the following statement after speaking about abiding in the love of God, "These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full" (John 15:10-11).

Notice that Jesus described this joy as first being His joy. It's so important to understand the joy of Jesus so that we can appropriately understand how we obtain His joy, and obtain it to the fullest. I will be devoting the month of March to exploring and meditating on Scriptures that help us better understand this radical joy of Jesus.

Abiding in Radical Love

Mon, 16 Feb 2026 14:00:12 GMT

How to Abide in Love

As discussed throughout the month of February, God's love is far deeper and more covenantal than the cheapened definition of love that he world offers (a definition that reduces love down to an emotion or feeling and is often times driven by lust). God's love is a part of His eternal nature and is always rooted in sacrificial action that leads to purification, redemption, and salvation.

How then, can we abide in God's love?

John 15:9-17 is a passage within a gospel letter written by one of Jesus's dearest friends, the Apostle John. Within this passage, we learn so much about abiding in God's love. I want to highlight a few of my favorite takeaways.

To abide in God's love, we must abide in Christ's love.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love" (John 15: 9). There is no other pathway to the love of God outside of receiving the love of Jesus. As John recorded in the previous chapter, Jesus Himself spoke these words, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). But how do we come to the Father through Jesus?

To abide in Christ's love, we must keep His commandments.

"If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abided in his love" (John 5: 10). When Jesus says we must keep His commandments in order to abide in God's love, He defines what those commandments are for us, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you" (vs 12). So, how did Jesus love us?

Jesus loved us with His entire life.

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends...No longer do I call you servants...but I have called you friends...." (John 15: 13-14). Without the love of Christ demonstrated on the cross, we are enemies of God due to our sinful nature that separates us from a relationship with Him. But just as a true friend would do, Jesus laid down his own life in our place, that we might be spared of the penalty for our sin (death). "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16). And, "For our sake, he (God) made him (Jesus) to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" ( 2 Corinthians 5:21). We cannot abide in the love of God without devoting our lives to loving one another with the love that Jesus loved us. So what can we say then, about living a life that abides in God's love through Christ amongst one another?

A life abiding in love, is a life full of divine joy.
"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full" (John 15:10). Carrying out Jesus's commandment of love is not burdensome, unlike the commandments that man-made religions place onto its followers. John felt so strongly about this, that he wrote in another letter of his, "By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome" (1 John 5: 2-3). As if all of these amazing invites into the love of God aren't freeing enough, it's the last highlight that really ties it all together.

God chooses us to abide in His love.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another" (John 15: 17). God chooses us to abide in His love, and draws us near to Himself by His Holy Spirit when we accept the invitation of Jesus. When we receive God's Spirit which draws us deeper into abiding love, we are set free to live a life that bears the very fruit of the Spirit that we are spending 2026 learning about.

Now we can better understand why Paul began his list of the fruit of the Spirit with "love" in Galatians 5. Throughout the month of March, we will look at the fruit of joy that flows from a life that abides in the love of God.

Radical Love Defined

Mon, 09 Feb 2026 15:08:32 GMT

God Is...

According to the Oxford dictionary, love is "an intense feeling of deep affection." Maybe this is why society tells us that we can "fall out of love" with someone because culturally, love has been reduced to nothing more than a feeling. Maybe this is why society says "love is love", because culturally, love has lost its true source and divine definition.

Often times, God is described as being a "loving God". Not wrong! God is a loving God. But more precisely and accurately, God IS love (written as a noun, not a verb). In fact, you cannot separate love from God or God from love because love is not just something that He does or expresses, it's who He is at a core level. His nature is love itself. Even when God instructs, judges, and punishes, all is done out of His nature of love.

So what can we know about the God of love from the Source Himself?

Well, for starters, in order for God to eternally be love, there must be an eternal way for God to love within Himself. Biblically, this eternal dwelling of love is explained by the presence of God, God's Word (who would take on the form of a human named Jesus), and God's Spirit (Genesis 1:1-2, Proverbs 8:22-31, Isaiah 48:16, John 1:1-3, 14 & 17:5, Colossians 1:15-17). Creation was quite literally an over flow of God's love from within Himself.

Not only is God's love eternal, but it's also covenantal, as seen throughout the history of the Israelite Jews whom God guided through trials and even punishments of sins, as a fulfillment of His covenantal promises with their ancestors. We see this described in Deuteronomy 7:7-8, "The LORD did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples...But it was because the LORD loved you and kept the oath he swore to your forefathers..." Where the world's definition of love is often rooted in ever-changing emotions, God's love is anchored in sacred covenantal oaths.

What else can we say about the covenantal love of God? Well, "the love of God was made manifest among" humanity when He "sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him" when he became the "propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:9-10). Where the world's definition of love is often rooted in lust and passion, God's love is anchored in what is pure and redemptive--what leads to repentance and transformation.

The definition of and source of love that the world offers is cheap, fickle, destructive and counterfeit at best. The love found in the world often leads to the opposite of true happiness, fulfillment, health, and joy. Only the love of God holds the power and ability to lead us to a joy that is full (John 15:11).

In the next devotional, we will look at how we can abide in the love of God, rather than the cheapened, counterfeit love offered by this world.

Radical Love

Sat, 31 Jan 2026 15:14:24 GMT

It All Starts With Love

I find myself overwhelmed by the fact that all of existence is an overflowing of and outpouring of God's love. Literally every aspect of existence is founded on love. And, through the work of God on the cross in Jesus, we are invited to be eternally sustained through His love.

Founded in love; sustained through love.
Love truly is the source of all things; the root of all things.

Without love, a radical life becomes harmful and destructive at best.

It's no surprise then, that when encouraging a life marked by living according to the radical fruit of the Spirit, Paul begins His list with love,

"But the fruit of the Spirit is:
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control..."

(Galatians 5:22-23)

I don't believe that this was an accidental ordering by Paul, but rather one of strategic intention. I mean, would we really be able to fully produce all of the other fruit listed, without first and foremost being deeply and intimately rooted in God's love? What is joy, if not founded on love? What is peace, if not connected with love? What is patience, if not driven by love? What is kindness, if not flowing from love? What is goodness, if not inspired by love? What is faithfulness, if not motivated by love? What is gentleness, if not encompassed by love? What is self-control, if not perfected by love?

Nothing that we could ever do or become holds any worth if not rooted in, founded upon, overflowing from, and encompassed by love. But what exactly is love by the Holy Spirit's standard of love? Can our world comprehend such a love as it was intended to be comprehended by the true source of love?

Join me through a deeper examination of Holy Spirit love throughout the month of February.

Radical Holy Spirit Fruit

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 21:36:18 GMT

From Indwelling to Overflowing

As discussed in the previous two posts, Jesus and His disciples turned the world upside down by challenging the political, religious, and cultural norms of their time. Their teachings and way of life were so radical to the world around them that the world around them sentenced them to imprisonment, exile, and even death. This was no surprise, as Jesus prepared His disciples with these words, "If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you" (John 15:18-25).

The world will always hate the radically different ways of a child of God, and the ways of God's children will always be radically different than the ways of the world.

This tension between God's people and the outside world continues even today; for the Holy Spirit sent to believers by God dwells with us and inside of us forever, sealing us until the day of redemption at Christ's second coming. And this Spirit of God, the "world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him" (John 14:16-18). And while there is no room for unrighteous judgement of things that only God can see inside of a person, Scripture does instruct us that at times we may righteously judge a person according to fruits that are visibly produced.

The fruits of the world in the flesh look radically different than the fruit that flows from the Spirit of God in a believer, for the "desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other..." (Galatians 5:17).

Fruits of the World

The works of the flesh found in the world produce the following: "sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these" (Galatians 5: 19-21). The world often boasts in these ways of life, wearing them as their primary identity while celebrating when others more deeply lose themselves in these things.

Fruit of the Spirit

On the contrary, the "fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23).

You might see these two lists and think to yourself, "Well, I know plenty of proclaimed Christians who bear the fruits of the world and I know plenty of non Christians who seem to bear the fruit of the Spirit". Jesus taught that "no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit..." (Luke 6:43-45). In other words, just because a person claims to be a child of God, if their life produces rotten fruit, that claim falls empty. On the other hand, just because a person of the world is capable of expressing similar fruit of the Spirit, without the Spirit, their love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control is conditional, circumstantial, short fused, and fickle at best.

While there is much more that could be said about the indwelling of and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, it's important to mention that Jesus Himself credited everything that He taught, and every work that flowed out from Him, to the indwelling Spirit of God (John 14:10). In the same manner, Scripture declares about us that, "You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him." (Romans 8:9).

To belong to God means to be indwelled by His Holy Spirit, the same Spirit that indwelled and overflowed from Jesus and His earliest disciples. To be indwelled by His Holy Spirit means to bear the radical fruit of the Spirit. For the remainder of this year, each month will be devoted to a deeper look at the biblical context of this fruit.

2026, the year of radical living.

What Fueled The Radical?

Tue, 13 Jan 2026 18:05:33 GMT

The True Source

Picking right up where my previous post, The Year of Radical , left off, what exactly was it about these average men (and women) that caused their teachings and lives to "turn the world upside down" two thousand years ago in a way that continues to influence millions of people even today?

Was it money? No, as they either relied on the church for provision, or worked average jobs to provide basic needs throughout their full time ministry.
Was it fame? No, as they were beaten, mocked, persecuted and hated by the majority for their teachings and lifestyle.

Was it power? No, as they spent the majority of their time chained in prison and being thrown out of cities.

Was it sex? No, as they were either abstinent single men, or faithfully devoted to one wife.

Was it political/religious gain? No, as they were eventually murdered or cast into exile by the religious and political influences of their time.
Was it a legacy of self? No, as they turned attention away from themselves and pointed to the work of God through Jesus and the Spirit.

These average men lived and taught radically because they were indwelled by the Holy Spirit of God.

This same Spirit, by the way, gave form to all that God created in the beginning of time, guided the prophets of old, miraculously formed Jesus in the womb of a virgin, and rose Jesus from the dead (Genesis 1:2, 2 Peter 1:21, Luke 1:35, Romans 8:11). And because these men were indwelled by the Holy Spirit of God their lives, actions, teachings, and relationships bore the fruit of God's Holy Spirit .

The world murdered, imprisoned, and exiled many of the early followers of Jesus. This was no surprise to them, however, as Jesus prepared these disciples for how the world would respond to the radical outpouring of the fruit of the Spirit when He said, "If the world hates you, know that it hated me before it hated you" (John 15:18).

The world hated the radical ways of the Holy Spirit because it exposed their wickedness, addressed their falsehoods, disrupted their agendas, and revealed their hypocrisy. But what about the individuals who were being oppressed, abused, misused, outcast, and deceived by the ways of the world through corrupt political and religious influences? Well, the outpouring of the Holy Spirit was welcomed, embraced, and led to radical transformation in all of the right ways .

So what exactly was this fruit of the Holy Spirit?
How does one access the Spirit and experience this fruit?

What would our homes, marriages, families, relationships, communities, and nations look like today if this fruit began to outpour from us in radical ways?
Is this radical way of life worth living, knowing that the world will hate us for it?

These are just a few of the questions that I will be diving into each month throughout 2026, The Year of Radical !

The Year of Radical

Fri, 02 Jan 2026 07:40:39 GMT

Imagine a World....

When we think about the term "radical" or "radicalized" today, there are some pretty heavy connotations linked with these descriptive words. But what if living radically or becoming radicalized was actually the very thing our generation needed in order to experience the transformation we all long for?

The type of radical living I'm talking about, however, has nothing to do with politics though I'm sure our current political climate would greatly benefit from it. Nor am I referring to extreme outbursts meant to prove a point or spur on loud movements while neglecting the damage done along the way to prove said point or spur on said movement.

So, what type of radical living am I referring to?

Well, the type of radical living that sends a relationally & sexually broken, oppressed, and outcasted woman racing back to the very townspeople that shunned her, in order that she might tell others of the transformative encounter she had just experienced (John 4: 45).

The type of radical living that sends a healed man running through his city, leaping for joy and declaring the transformative encounter that he had just experienced (Acts 3:1-10).

The type of radical living that spares a condemned prostitute of receiving the death penalty, all because of the transformative encounter that she had just experienced (John 8:1-11).

The type of radical living that leads a hated tax collector to give away over half of his possessions to the poor and repay the very people that he improperly withheld money from, all because of the transformative encounter that he had just experienced (Luke 19:1-10).

The type of radical living that compels a murderous religious zealot to turn from his ways and instead serve the people he once sought to kill until he himself was murdered for his service, all because of the transformative encounter that he had just experienced (Acts 9: 1-19).

Imagine a world led by such radical living...a world where lost identities were restored, ailments were healed, second chances were given to the least deserving, wrongs were made right, and struggles were turned into powerful ministries that helped countless others? What a world that would be!

There was a point in history, when a man named Jesus led a group of his friends in such a way, that these radical events occurred everywhere they went. As you can imagine, it sent the culture of their time into complete and hostile chaos by challenging the corrupt political empire, exposing the hypocritical religious leaders, and shedding light onto the utter darkness of their generation. They were described as being "men who (had) turned the world upside down" (Acts 17:6). While thousands supported their message which brought truth, light and hope into the evil of the world, those who were being exposed (like the political leaders, religious leaders, and evildoers of their time) wished to silence the men by imprisonment, intense persecution, and even death. Which, by the way, is exactly what happened.

But that didn't stop their powerful teachings and word of their radical living from continuing to spread. In fact, the persecutions only further fueled transformative revival across the entire world. The craziest part? Millions continue to experience radical transformation and revival even today, because of these men. So what exactly was it about these men, their teachings, and their lives, that led to such world-wide radical revival?

Join me for a 12 months series titled, "The Year of Radical" to find out :)

Reflecting & Anticipating

Fri, 26 Dec 2025 18:07:59 GMT

God was faithful.

God will be faithful.

The last week of December is a significant week in my home. During this week, I do my best to carve out space to spend intentional time both reflecting on what the Lord did throughout the previous year, as well as anticipating what the Lord will do in the coming new year. While this is a spiritual discipline that can be practiced any day of the year, for me, it seems natural to align it with the calendar turning of a new year. A time to reflect. A time to anticipate.

In Psalms 77:11-12, David gives us a glimpse of this spiritual practice as he wrote, "I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds."

As I reflect back on 2025, here is what I remember about the Lord:

God was tangibly present.

God was providentially involved.

God was faithfully at work.

These three reflections were tangible this year in ways like never before. In fact, God's tangibility throughout 2025 is a testament in and of itself that He sees, cares, invests, and rescues. I say that because in my younger to mid twenties when my undiagnosed OCD was out of control and spiraling me into suicidal obsessions, I stopped believing in the presence of a god all together, much less in the God who providentially sees and faithfully works. That means that for over a decade, God has been patiently, faithfully, and providentially involved in my life through even the tiniest details.

Knowing this about the character of and the heart of God has exploded my faith in and my trust in Him. Now, more than ever, I believe that God is real, that He sees, that He cares, and that He moves in and around me. This tangible awareness anchors my soul, calms my spirit, and renews my mind in ways that lead to absolute freedom, abundant joy, and unshakable peace.

In 2025, God's faithfulness most stands out to me as I really meditate on all the things that have worked together for my good and for His glory over the last 10+ years. And so as I look ahead into 2026, I can confidently anticipate that God's faithfulness will continue working for, through, and around my life. This confidence in God's faithfulness inspires me to walk open handedly into 2026--releasing anything (habits, sins, fears, etc) that could withhold me from experiencing God to the fullest and instead embracing the things and people that lead me deeper into the presence of God and His will over my life.

As I anticipate 2026, here are the ways I look forward to seeing the Lord at work:

For God to display His presence through Holy Spirit revival (in my heart, home, family/friends, community, & generation).
For God to display His providence by aligning my spiritual gifts and experiences with His divine calling over my life.
For God to display His faithfullness by continuing to restore and reconcile the areas my life that I thought were un-healable.

I want to leave 20225 and enter 2026 with this encouragement for us all, "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9) . May we aim to faithfully pursue God as we reflect on His own faithfulness and anticipate His continued faithfulness.

Divine Rest in Times of Trouble

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 20:20:31 GMT

Relying on the Nature of God

When you think of "rest", what comes to mind?

Maybe cozying up to a good book on a slow rainy day while wearing your comfiest pajamas, dozing in and out of a nap. Or maybe going on a vacation where all electronics are turned off, allowing you to unplug in God's creation in time of prayer and meditation of Scripture. Maybe you think of sitting down at the dinner table with your family, and enjoying a delicious and nutritious meal after a long day at work.

While all of these forms of rest are valid, and even Biblical (1 Kings 19:5-8, Mark 1:25, Matthew 1:23) , the deepest rest that we can experience depends less on an activity (or the refraining from an activity) and more on a full reliance in the nature of, character of, and promises of God. When God's nature is so imprinted on our hearts, and when God's promises are so etched into our minds, even in the thick of trauma, tragedy, distress, or taxing daily responsibilities, we can experience a deep rest in the LORD at a soul level.

Let's breakdown the nature of, and promises of God, that lead to divine inner rest, even amidst external chaos.

Nature of God

God is providentially in control. There is not a single event, thought, feeling, or activity that God is not aware of or providentially involved in (Colossians 1:17, Hebrews 1:3, Psalm 115:3, Isaiah 46:10, Psalm 104:19, Psalm 74:16-17, Luke 12:7, Psalm 139:16) . Because the nature of God is all knowing, fully involved, and divinely providential, even in times of chaos and suffering, we can rest assured that God is aware, present, deeply invested, and at work for the good of purifying our faith and glorifying His character.

God is eternally good. The providence of God, especially His involvement through sorrow, disasters, and suffering, can often tempt people to doubt the goodness of God. The idea that "God is providentially in control" is confused with "God is the source of evil", or at the least, "God forsakes us in times of need". Through Scripture, however, God clearly teaches us that His very nature is good and only capable of working through all circumstances for good for those who love Him; and yes, at times, what is "good" is bringing justice upon evil (Psalm 100:5, Romans 8:28, Nahum 1:7, 1 Chronicles 16:34) . Even when God punishes what it evil, that is an expression of His perfectly good, Holy, and just nature.

God is compassionate, merciful, and caring, especially in our time of need . While it might feel like God is distant, neglectful, or even absent during our times of distress, God's very nature pours out lavished mercy, grace, and compassion on His children--especially in our time of need (Exodus 34:6-7, Psalm 145:9, Lamentations 3:22-23, Hebrews 4:16) .

Promises of God

God will never leave or forsake us. Our human nature typically doubts the presence of and goodness of God in times of distress, yet the very nature of God is incapable of forsaking His children (as previously mentioned). If God feels distant or deaf to our cries in times of trouble or seasons of trials, we must find rest in knowing that as we draw near to Him, He draws near to us--never forsaking us in our time of need or plenty (James 4:8, Psalm 9:10) . In fact, God promises to never leave or forsake His children (Hebrews 13:5) .

Eternal healing and rest await those whose lives are marked by the reign of the LORD. Though disasters, trauma, sickness, tragedy, and even death, strike us in this life, for God's children, we have a promise of an eternal state of glorified bodies that will not experience sin, sorrow, suffering, death, pain, etc (Revelations 21:4; 22:1-2, Isaiah 33:24, 1 Corinthians 15:42-42) . For all believers marked by God's indwelling Holy Spirit and forgiven through the atoning blood of Jesus, we are promised that our trials and suffering are temporary experiences in this life that pale in comparison to the eternal glory that await after this life passes away (Romans 8:18) .

Just as we can depend on the nature of God never changing (Malachi 3:6, James 1:17) , we can equally depend on the faithfulness of God to fulfill His promises. As we meditate on and focus on God's nature and promises, experiencing divine level rest in times of chaos, is not only possible, but assured. Therefore, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Rest in the Lord vs Self-Care

Mon, 17 Nov 2025 06:54:54 GMT

Intentional Rest that Bears Fruit

"And he said to them, 'Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.' For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat." -Mark 6:31

Jesus was the visible image of the invisible God (Col. 1:15) . When He spoke, He spoke the Words of God because He was the Word of God in the flesh (John 1) . When He tended to the needs of His disciples, He displayed the heart of God toward humanity. In this unique moment recorded in Mark's gospel account of Jesus's ministry, we see the heart of God, and the Word of God, towards a group of exhausted and grief stricken men who had just endured the death of their dear friend, John the Baptist. Amidst their grief, they were still tending to the endless needs of those coming and going to hear the teachings of Jesus--so much so, that they were neglecting to eat!

So what was God's deepest desire for these men in this moment of physical, mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual exhaustion?

To retreat and rest .

In Matthew 11:28-29, Jesus invites ALL who are weary and burdened to come to Him for soul level rest. While this invitation was specifically directed towards individuals who were being burdened by the legalism of the Pharisees, its deeper implication stands true today. When the burdens of this world--and yes, even religious burdens--feel too much for us to bear, Jesus invites us to retreat in Him , and partake in His rest .

Jesus level rest looked like intentional prayer in desolate places in nature (Matthew 26:26-56, Luke 6:12-16) .
Jesus level rest looked like alone time with the Father ( Matthew 14:23, Mark 1:35) .
Jesus level rest looked like peaceful naps (Matthew 8:23-27) .
Jesus level rest looked like recovery and nourishment (Matthew 4:11) .

After Jesus experienced 40 days of brutal temptation in the desert (Matthew 4), the Angels were sent to tend to Him in a time of recovery. What happened immediately after this period of intentional rest? Years of the most impactful and fruitful ministry in all of history.

As we enter a season that is full of busy Holiday events, and also extended time off work, God invites us all to engage in intentional rest in Him. Retreat with the Lord. Experience His peace. Fill your cup with His endurance. Rest in the Lord truly is the most fruitful kind of rest that exists for whole body recovery--right down to the soul.

Who knows, maybe your most impactful and fruitful season of ministry will follow an intentional period of retreating in the Lord for soul level rest!

The Importance of Rest

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 05:11:05 GMT

Counter-Cultural Rest in the LORD

"Exhausted."
"Spread thin."
"Overwhelmed."
"Disconnected."
"Burned Out."
"Lost."

"Foggy."

These are some of the most common words that I hear people use to describe what life feels like in 2025. While us Americans are known for pursuing that "American Dream", we are simultaneously known for experiencing high rates of depression, anxiety, loneliness, divorce, and suicidal ideation.

So what's the solution? Should we just quit our jobs, stop tending to our family and friends, isolate ourselves from society, and let our minds and bodies become vegetables? Of course not! Though some of you are so exhausted that you're seriously contemplating this plan right now...

Throughout the month of November and December, this space will be focused on discussing the importance of rest:

Rest for our bodies.
Rest for our minds.
Rest for our emotions.
Rest for our relationships.
Rest for our souls .

And while there are endless books and podcasts that discuss self-care (including rest), my personal favorite source to learn about the importance of rest, is the Creator of our bodies, minds, emotions, relationships, and souls. Surely God knows what is best for His own creation! And when it comes to rest, He has a lot to say throughout Scripture. After all, Jesus Himself invites all who are weary, to seek and find rest in Himself,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls"

Matthew 11:28-29

Reclaiming Strongholds

Fri, 17 Oct 2025 17:29:17 GMT

Re-identifying Our True Stronghold

Throughout this mini series, we've focused on more of the "negative" connotations of spiritual strongholds that can enslave us to patterns, addictions, beliefs, ideas, and behaviors that ultimately harm us. This harm may express itself emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally, spiritually, relationally, or financially.

What I find so interesting, is that the definition for spiritual stronghold, ( "a mental or behavioral pattern, often based on a lie or deception, that resists God's truth and hinders spiritual growth"), is typically the first depiction of stronghold that comes to our minds. This type of stronghold traps us behind the unhealthy fortified walls of limitations that either we have placed on ourselves, or that others have unrightfully placed upon us. I picture this type of stronghold looking more like a prison in which every bar that keeps us caged, is a lie we've adopted as truth.

But if we look at the literal definition of stronghold in and of itself, ("a place that has been fortified so as to protect it against attack"), we see a very different depiction of stronghold that implies strength, protection, safety, and necessity.

Scripture teaches us that God wishes for all to know Him and to be known by Him in intimate relationship (2 Peter 3:9) . Scripture also teaches us that as we experience this reconciliation to God, we also experience a renewal of the mind, spirit, heart, behavioral patterns, and even how we perceive truth. A few of my favorite passages that discuss this transformation are:

Romans 12:2 , "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is."

Ephesians 4:23 , "...put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds..."

Colossians 3:9-11 , "...seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.

When we encounter God for the first time, He meets us right in the thick of us being trapped behind the limitations and lies of whatever spiritual strongholds we've accepted as truth and reality (Ephesians 2:1-10) . And while He deeply loves us just as we are when He meets us in our mess, He loves us enough to rescue us, reconcile us to Himself, and redeem these spiritual strongholds.

God does this by inviting us to trust Him to defeat our spiritual strongholds by help of His truth, His work on the cross through Jesus, His indwelling Holy Spirit, and His family (the church). As God works in us and through us to defeat our spiritual strongholds, He then divinely becomes our stronghold . This process frees us from the bondage of our spiritual strongholds, and places us into the protective presence of God's fortified stronghold. When God is our stronghold, no enemy can stand against us because no enemy (including the tactics used by the enemy) can stand against God (2 Chronicles 13:12, Romans 8:31) . As we root ourselves deep into the fortified stronghold of God's Word, God's gospel, God's Spirit, and God's people, we can declare the same reality declared by King David in Psalm 3:3, "But you, O LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head high"; or the reality that he declares in Psalm 18:2, "The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whose I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety".

God doesn't just want to help us defeat our spiritual strongholds; He wants to become our eternal stronghold--the fortified protector of our souls.

Overcoming Strongholds

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 17:49:34 GMT

Relying on the Father of Truth

In the previous devotional we discussed a few practical ways to identify potential spiritual strongholds in our hearts, minds, and souls. Even still, we might be blind to our own strongholds. In that case, here are a few additional questions that we can ask ourselves each week as we strive to surrender all strongholds over to God:

Are there any reoccurring patterns in my life that continue leading to negative results?
Am I having any repetitive, destructive thought patterns that suppress the truth of God over my life?
Am I engaging in any irrational behaviors while expressing a defensive attitude to justify these behaviors?
Have multiple trusted Christians tried to approach me about a certain pattern or behavior in my life?
Am I giving in to any destructive, unGodly, or unfruitful lusts, cravings, appetites, or addictions?

For some, strongholds come in the form of thought patterns. For others, strongholds come in the form of behavioral or relational patterns. Addictive strongholds might present through drugs, substances like alcohol, harmful emotional out bursts, patterns of abuse, impulsive spending habits, etc.

No matter what the expression of our stronghold is--financial, sexual, verbal, mental, emotional, relational, etc--all strongholds are rooted in one thing: LIES from the enemy of our soul. If our stronghold roots are tethered with the "father of lies" (John 8:44), it makes sense then, that the only way to find true freedom from their hold, is by utilizing the resources given by the Father of truth (Isaiah 65:16, John 14:6, John 17:17) . Self-help methods and will-power can only get a person so far with behavioral changes. But strongholds are matters of the heart, not merely external behaviors or expressions. God alone holds the power over our enemy; His power and authority are provided to us through His Word (Jesus), and His Spirit (the Helper).

And while only God can truly free us from, heal us from, and transform us from our strongholds, there are practical ways that we can tap into His divine resources: fasting, intentional prayer, praying scripture out loud over unclean spirits, receiving prayer from Godly people, meditation on God's truth, spending time in God's Word, surrounding ourselves with God's community, feeding the Holy Spirit with God's presence.

God, the Father of all that is true, assures us that in Him, we can experience freedom from strongholds as we walk in newness of life through Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Identifying Strongholds

Fri, 12 Sep 2025 18:29:45 GMT

Utilizing Divine Resources

In my previous devotional post , we looked at the Biblical definition of spiritual strongholds. While it's important to understand what a spiritual stronghold is and how it can sever a relationship with God, it's equally important to understand how to identify our personal strongholds.

Because of the power of darkness in this world--a power which loves to oppress the truth by way of deception--we may not always be aware of the strongholds in our life OR the separation between us and God (Proverbs 4:19, John 3:19, 1 John 2:11) . Sadly, many go throughout life assuming they are in "right" standing before God, completely unaware of a separation from God. Thankfully, though, our loving Father provides us access to every spiritual and heavenly resource that is needed in this life, to not only identify possible strongholds, but to break free from those strongholds by the power of God through His Word Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and through His church. God's ultimate desire is for all of humanity to be reconciled to Himself, and He supports this desire by making sure humanity as a whole (and throughout history) is given every opportunity to identify and overcome strongholds.

So, how do we identify the strongholds in our life that could be separating us from God?

Start With Prayer

"Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere" (Ephesians 6:18, NLT) . "Never stop praying" (1 Thessalonians 5:17, NLT) . "...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's peace in accordance with the will of God" (Romans 8:26-27, NLT) .

Prayer is not an utterance of words that evaporate into thin air; prayer is a direct communication line between God and humanity as well as a powerful weapon that can aid in spiritual warfare. The very Spirit of God that is sent to all believers according to the promise of Jesus in John 14:16, 26, not only indwells all who are one in Christ, but intercedes for us when we do not know what to pray.

As we struggle to identify the strongholds in our lives, we would be wise to begin by approaching the throne of God in prayer. Ask God to reveal any strongholds that could be preventing a deeper or fully restored relationship with Him. Ask God to help you accept the strongholds that He reveals, and any potential discipline that comes with those revelations. Ask God to search the Spirit in you for any "groaning" of help that you are not even able to articulate or identify.

But don't stop there. As Paul instructed in Ephesians 6, go beyond praying for God to reveal and reconcile your personal strongholds. Pray for all believers everywhere, that strongholds may be broken and that the church be free to serve the Lord unhindered.

Turn to the Word
While there are so many amazing passages that discuss identifying and overcoming strongholds, a few of my favorites are: 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, Ephesians 6: 10-17, and Galatians 5: 16-26. In prayer, you make your requests known to God. As you turn to His Word, however, He communicates with you. Take time to read through these passages as you consider what God says about strongholds in your life. As you read through Galatians 5: 16-26, ask God to reveal which (if any) of those strongholds are present in your heart, mind, or lifestyle.

God does not silently govern us as a neglectful Father. He is a present Father who speaks, intervenes, and guides. While He continues speaking to us through His Holy Spirit even today, so much of the answers to our questions have already been recorded and divinely preserved within His Word. We must spend time studying, examining, and meditating on God's Word so that we can understand these things: what God has already said about strongholds; His will for our lives in the midst of strongholds; and the His promises over our strongholds.

Invite Community In
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another , that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it" (James 5:16, ESV) . While our faith journey is most definitely a personal matter, it was never intended or designed to be a private matter. We battle unseen spiritual realms in this world--realms that are full of unimaginable darkness, evil, deception, and influence. If we honestly think we can stand against that battle on our own, we are fools destined for destruction. True, radical healing and freedom from stronghold does not take place in isolation, but when we walk this life side-by-side with righteous, Holy Spirit-filled community.

Do. not suppress your darkness. Do not hide your strongholds. Bring them out into the open with faithful and trusted community, and as 1 John chapters 1 & 2 promise us, the light of God will expose that darkness and break you free from the bondage of strongholds

Lean into the Holy Spirit

"Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me; concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you will see me no longer; concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged" (John 16:7-11, ESV) .

While it's tempting to think that accessibility to the power of God's authority was most accessible during the time when Jesus physically walked the earth, Jesus Himself was eager to ascend back to heaven with God, so that we might experience the "advantage" of "the Helper" (which He clarified in John 14:26 as being the Holy Spirit of God). So what advantage do we have with the indwelling Holy Spirit, that we didn't necessarily have during the physical presence of Jesus?

Well, while in bodily form, Jesus as a human man only had the ability to be in one place at a time. When He sent down the Holy Spirit after the ascension of Jesus, for the first time in history, God's literal Spirit indwelled all believers simultaneously. God and His authority through Jesus, is more accessible now than ever before in history. And that authority through the Spirit, has dominion over all authorities both on earth and in the heavenly places--including over your individual strongholds (Ephesians 1:21, Matthew 28:18) . Maybe that's why we are instructed not to "quench the Holy Spirit" in 1 Thessalonians 5:19.

While there is so much more that God's rich and powerful Word has to say on breaking free from strongholds through the name of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit, I pray this is a starting point for us all as we aim to break generational strongholds that are suppressing our souls and minds from experiencing all that God has in store for us in His kingdom.

Understanding Strongholds

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 20:28:09 GMT

Where True Power Lies

During one of my travels to Europe, a friend and I hiked through the Eltz Forrest just outside of Trier, Germany, until reaching the heart of the forrest. As we neared an opening in the trees, I caught a glimpse of the beloved Eltz Castle perched up on a rock in the distance.

It was the most stunning site I'd ever seen, as if straight out of a fairy tale! My brain could not process just how old the structure was. When I say old, I'm not talking about USA old. I'm talking, it took multiple generations of the Eltz family over 500 years just to finish building the now 900-year-old castle.

What fascinated me almost as much as the age, was the security measures taken to ensure the safety of those who sought refuge inside of the castle. Not only were elaborate gates, bridges, and rocky terrain incorporated in the building plans to serve as barriers between external threats, but also an entire forrest surrounded the fortress as yet another means of protection from potential enemies.

In 1 Samuel of the Bible, we read a story about the Israelite leader, David (who would later become one of the most well-known kings in the history of God's people) fleeing for his life as King Saul sought to destroy him. We read
that King Saul "sought him every day" to kill him, but God divinely protected David as he hid within the "strongholds in the wilderness" (1 Samuel 23:14, ESV) . Just like the Eltz family, David knew that the thick forrest and terrain of the wilderness would serve as a stronghold, or barrier , between him and the enemies that pursued him.

As we move from the time of earthly Kings, and into the reign of the eternal King Jesus, we begin to see a shift take place when "strongholds" are mentioned. Where before in the Old Testament a "stronghold" represented a physical barrier between two or more parties, in the New Testament a "stronghold" often refers to a spiritual barrier that separates a person (or group of people) from the presence of, protection of, and peace of God.

For you and I, strongholds look a lot less like an enchanted castle out in the middle of a forrest, and a lot more like negative experiences, false beliefs, addictive substances, generational trauma, unhealthy practices, harmful ideologies, unfruitful habits, and destructive sin patterns that build up barriers between us and God. These strongholds root down deep in our inner being, taking hold of our hearts and minds until we find ourselves in a spiritual prison of sorts.

And just as the strongholds surrounding the castle were near impossible for the enemy to penetrate, by our own strength, we cannot burst through these barriers without help from something (or Someone ) more powerful than the stronghold that entraps us.

God's Word tells us that, "For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:3-4, ESV) .

Did you catch that?

The strongholds that we face around us and at times, inside of us, are not merely physical, but are rooted within he spiritual realm. The powers we face while in this flesh (human body), are no match for the divine and ultimate power found in God through Jesus Christ--the One who has authority and power over every stronghold.

We know that after defeating death by the Holy Spirit of God, Jesus now sits "in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come" (Ephesians 1:16-21, ESV) .

We no longer have to remain trapped within the walls of our strongholds, because no matter how powerful they may seem in our lives, Jesus is more powerful and longs to destroy all of our strongholds if we allow Him to. Through the work of Jesus, God "reconciled us to himself", while "entrusting to us the message of reconciliation", that we might carry His power into the strongholds of this world, bringing that message with us wherever we go!

My Testimony (Part 2)

jennifer@sitefire.io (Jennifer Savage) — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 02:11:00 GMT

(Part 2)

As mentioned in Part 1 of my testimony, the only reason that I am alive today, is because the living God divinely intervened on more than one occasion, moments before the taking of my own life.

The wild part? In those moments, I had resolved in my heart that God wasn't real, or that if He was real, He wasn't a good or loving God because what kind of God would create me with a broken brain, watch me suffer, and refuse to heal me? It's important for me to say that, because many will hear or read my testimony and conclude that I experienced healing from the grip of OCD because of therapy, medication treatment, and resourceful tools.

And to that, I'd kindly respond by clarifying that God prevented me from taking my life so that I could experience those healing tools. His divine heavenly intervention came first, not the human effort. He met me when I was at the end of myself, with zero ounce of hope or strength left in my body or soul. I could no longer picture a future for me without isolation, mental suffering, and disappointment in myself and from others.

The truth is, I was spiritually dead, following the "prince of the power" of darkness, "the spirit that is now at work" in the darkness of this world. I was "carrying out the desires" of "the mind". BUT GOD!!! "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love which which he loved (me), even when (I was) dead in (my) trespasses, made (me) alive together with Christ--by grace (I) have been saved...And this is not (my) own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For (I am) his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that (I) should walk in them" (Ephesians 2:1-10, ESV) .

I didn't save myself. God saved me physically by first saving me at a soul level. In moments of desperation, He divinely revealed Himself in ways that I could no longer deny. At first I called them coincidences until they became too divine to credit anything other than God Himself. Once He revealed to me at a heart level that He was real, that He cared, and that He was inviting me into new life with Him according to His identity for me, my entire view of myself, others, and the spiritual realm was completely and radically transformed. And on October 6, 2019, I declared God as my savior, surrendered my old dying self to Him in the watery grave of baptism, and rose from that water in new life with Jesus Christ.

Within that same month, I received an official and accurate diagnosis of OCD, which pieced together all of the confusing pieces of my past as to why my brain worked the way it did. Within the same month I began OCD therapy.

But more importantly, from that moment on October 6, I began to see everything clearly, as it was:

I saw the true enemy for who he truly is: the ultimate deceiver whose main mission is to disorient his followers in darkness, void of God's loving light (John 8:44, 2 Corinthians 4:4, Ephesians 4:18) .

I saw the divine for who He truly was: A gracious, loving, faithful heavenly Father who was gently (but persistently) pursuing me even amidst my rebellion against Him (2 Timothy 2:13, John 3:16, 2 Peter 3:9, Romans 5:8) .

I saw my sufferings and the sufferings of this world for what they truly were: product of darkness in the world, but opportunity for God's sovereign plan and lavished grace to be displayed.

I saw salvation and healing for what they truly were: a completed work of God through Jesus Christ, a gift from God to all who accept his invitation, and a product of God's will--NOT a product of my work.

I saw my worth and identity for what they truly were: a masterpiece of God, created in Jesus to carry out the predestined good works of God.

From that moment, I began to make drastic changes to my spiritual environment and spiritual community. I no longer wanted to be polished or surrounded by polished religion. It was imperative that I surrounded myself with others who were not afraid to be transparent in the light of God within healthy accountability. I wanted to be deeply known, and deeply know others. I wanted to give God the praise He deserved, by worshipping Him with all of my being.

While many from my childhood, adolescent, and young adult years might point to that season of my life and connect it with my spiritual downfall, I will forever point to that season of life and connect it with my spiritual awakening.

It was through that period of seeking, asking, wrestling, questioning, and ultimately surrendering , that I experienced healing at a core level—at a soul level. And do you know what happens to a mind that is led by, and anchored in, a healed soul?

It, too, finds healing.

By the grace of God, I am so grateful to say that since I surrendered my heart and life to God on that day, I have never again experienced an intrusive suicidal thought. OCD no longer rules my life, and I am no longer debilitated by its grip. In the very rare occasion (as in maybe a couple times a year as opposed to every single day) that OCD symptoms begin to creep into my thoughts and actions, I now have an incredible army of healthy community that walks with me in accountability and loving support, offering endless tools and resources.

I am healed because the very God that I rejected, healed me.
I dwell in peace because the very God that I rejected, is the God of peace.
I walk in freedom because the very God that I rejected, frees us from the strongholds of the darkness in this world.
I rejoice with unconditional joy because the very God that I rejected, is the source of true and eternal joy.
I thrive in community because the very God that I rejected invited me into his eternal community.

But mostly, I LIVE because the very God that I rejected, is the author of life. Of my life. And of yours!

My Testimony (Part 1)

jennifer@sitefire.io (Jennifer Savage) — Tue, 22 Jul 2025 00:31:35 GMT

(Part 1)

How did you think about, or feel about, yourself as a small child?

Most of you probably cannot remember. But for those of you who experienced trauma, a disability, or a major life event at a very young age, you might remember in detail how you felt about yourself. When I think back to my earliest memories of myself, maybe five or six, I remember having an awareness that my brain seemed to work a bit differently than other people's brains.

For example, I understood that none of my other friends enjoyed sitting in the driveway for hours, carefully scrubbing every rock with a bucket of soap and an old toothbrush. I understood that after watching Toy Story in theaters, none of my other friends were tucking every single toy in with kind words before bed, in fear of their toys coming to life at night to kill them in their sleep. I understood that no one else at the dinner table seemed to become sweaty, nauseated, or faint at the site of porous or seedy foods. I understood that none of my other friends had to count to seven when chewing food or drinking water. I understood that I was the only one pinching off mid flow and standing on public restroom toilets, hiding from anyone who walked in because I was too embarrassed they would hear me using the restroom.

As I entered into my adolescent years, I quickly understood that I was (seemingly) the only one of my peers who had zero sexual desire or interest in exploring my body or someone else's body. I understood that none of my other classmates needed to read and re-read the test questions ten to fifteen times like I did, out of fear of mis-reading something. I understood that my hypersensitivity to colors, smells, sounds, and textures wasn't "normal". I understood that none of my other friends were replaying that one scary, gruesome, or explicit scene in their heads over and over, from a movie we watched weeks ago.

Throughout my college and young adult years, I understood that none of the other nursing students felt the need to leave the lecture about contamination/diseases in order to take three to four showers with excessive scrubbing until their skin bled. I understood that I was the only one of my friends who would leave a bridal shower or wedding venue, crawl in bed without eating or sleeping, and lay curled up shivering for days due to intrusive thoughts/images surrounding intimacy. I understood that my other friends and family members weren't going days without a full meal of food due to impulsively blowing through hundreds of dollars purchasing the exact same item over and over again, in fear of something happening to the first item purchased.

I understood that my brain was different. But what I couldn't understand, was why my brain was different.

School counselors and teachers implied that I was suffering from a learning disorder. Medical professionals suggested that I was suffering from an eating disorder. Psychologists and counselors suggested that I was suffering with a clinical disorder like depression or anxiety. Peers, boyfriends, and culture implied that I was suffering from sexual confusion, using terms like "gay" or "asexual" to describe my intrusive thoughts, fears, and disinterest in sexuality.

All of these people were right, yet none of them were correct. What I mean is, they were all right in that I was suffering. Yet none of them were correct in that deep down, I knew that my suffering was not due to a learning disorder, an eating disorder, clinical depression, clinical anxiety, or sexual confusion. And though I would receive an accurate diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) many years later that would make sense of why my brain worked the way it did, I spent nearly a decade of my life spiraling into deep and destructive darkness.

This darkness consumed me and disoriented me, impacting all areas of my spiritual, mental, emotional, sexual, financial, physical, and relational life. I viewed God and others as my enemy, leaving me aching for someone to blame. So,

I blamed my family for not knowing how to nurture or comfort my suffering.
I blamed my peers for introducing me to pornography without an invitation.
I blamed my religious environment for teaching me that I needed to show up polished.
I blamed medical professionals for misdiagnosing me and prescribing harmful medication that worsened my symptoms.
I blamed myself for not being able fix my own brain by sheer willpower.

But more than anyone, I blamed God for creating me with a broken brain that was deemed unfixable.

My obsession with blaming others opened a door wide open for anger to barge in and make itself at home in my heart. I grew angry at myself. I grew angry at everyone around me. I grew angry at God. I grew angry at life. That anger burned like fire inside of me, until it consumed every last drop of hope. And without hope, I stopped believing. I no longer believed that a good God existed. I no longer believed that a life without suffering existed. I no longer believed that I belonged in this world. Staying alive, I thought, would only lead to more suffering and more failure, and I no longer had the strength to process that future.

For the first time in my life, I began to experience intense and gruesome intrusive thoughts/images related to suicide. Each night I went to bed convinced that the next day would be "the day": The day that either God would prove He existed by (finally) miraculously healing my broken brain that He created; Or...the day that my continued suffering would prove the non-existence of a God all together, leaving me to take matters into my own hands (literally speaking). For that reason, every day became a life-or-death battle field.

I am still alive to share my story with you today, not because I out-willed my will to commit suicide, not because I outsmarted the deathly grip of OCD, and not because I relied on my own strength to pull myself out of the pit of darkness. No. The reason I am alive right now, is because the very God that I rejected and deemed as non existent, met me in my darkness, exposed all of its deception with His Light, divinely stopped my suicidal attempts, scooped me up in His strength, and rescued me from myself according to His will.

I exist today because God existed always.
I am alive today because God lives in me.
I live for today because I live for God.

(To be continued in part 2)....

Why Our Darkness Hates God's Light

jennifer@sitefire.io (Jennifer Savage) — Mon, 14 Jul 2025 06:04:05 GMT

When Exposure is Uncomfortable

When I was walking through my darkest seasons of mental distress and spiritual crisis, even the thought of being exposed by God's light was excruciatingly uncomfortable. I knew that walking in God's light would require me to be honest with myself, and others, about the most personal parts of me. I also knew that stepping into God's light could cost me important relationships, fail to meet the expectations of others, and potentially ruin the reputation I had built. And that, terrified me.

So much so that I kept spiraling further and further into darkness simply because I was too scared to embrace the light of God. That refusal, however, was an indicator that I did not truly know God or understand His character. Because once I came to know the Lord and understand Him, a flip switched in me. All of a sudden I craved His light at all costs.

Now that I am walking in the light of God with my darkness exposed and healed, I am fascinated by the fact that darkness and light cannot coincide in the same space (both scientifically and spiritually).

Literally speaking, darkness is defined as the absence of light; where as light is defined as a form of energy that allows us to see. Darkness is a void. Light is a void filler. The two cannot coincide. A space is either occupied or it is unoccupied. But it cannot be both. T hough a dark, void space can be filled with other objects that remain hidden in the dark, the moment light fills the space, darkness longer exists (by definition).

When we apply these literal definitions to the spiritual realm, we not only gain insight into the darkness experienced in this world, but we also gain helpful tools as we learn to navigate through that darkness. While there are many insights we could highlight, I'll focus on three.

Every human has a void that needs to be filled.
By design, God "put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end" (Ecclesiastes 3:11, ESV) . Every person, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, religious practice, societal rank, or cultural environment, has a deep awareness that there has to be something more than this life. Something beyond. Something bigger. Something more powerful. Something more meaningful. Something more permanent. Something, dare I say, eternal?

Yet, also by design, God prohibits us from satisfying that eternal longing outside of Himself.

Only God's light is meant to fill our void.
The light of God is more than a sacred teaching or a way of life that leads to kindness, happiness, or self improvement methods.

God's light is quite literally His Word that manifested in bodily form through Jesus Christ. We learn that Jesus, "was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" (John 1:2-25) . It is God's Word and work through Jesus that was predestined to fill our void in this life and eternally.

Any person, any religion, any lifestyle that omits Jesus, rejects the light of God; and when a person rejects God's light as their primary void filler, they are left with only one option: turning to faulty substitutes that can never do for the soul what only God's light was designed to do.

All other void fillers eventually bring harm.

Some people are deceived away from God's light, such as through false teachings or false religions.
Some people are unaware of God's light because no one has ever shared it with them.
Some people avoid God's light because they do not know God or understand Him, as was the case for me.
Some people, however, choose to "rebel against the light", refusing to "stay in its path" (Job 24:13) .

According to John 3:19-21, this decision boils down to loving darkness more than God's manifested light through Jesus, "And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God."

The result of filling one's God-sized void with anything, or anyone, other than His light? Death; for though a person's own way "seems right" in the beginning, "its end is the way of death" (Proverbs 14:12) . That death might be physical, such as death by overdose or addiction. Or that death might be spiritual, such as an eternal separation from God.

Hope in the Darkness

Our darkness comes in many forms such as mental, emotional, sexual, physical, relational, financial, spiritual, and more. Our darkness leads to death, whether physical, spiritual, or both, when filled with anything other than God's light. Though having our darkness exposed by the light of God might feel uncomfortable at first (as was my case), God promises that the process leads to our freedom, purpose, protection, and healing.

For though our darkness leads to death. God's light (Jesus) leads to life. Jesus testifies to this when He spoke these words in John 8:12, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

The Source of Light

jennifer@sitefire.io (Jennifer Savage) — Mon, 30 Jun 2025 13:18:28 GMT

When Self-Help Is Not Enough

In my previous devotional , I discussed the source of all forms of hardship. In a way, it seems easier to believe in a spiritual force of evil, as evil and darkness and heartache seem to be so abundantly present in this life. Just flip on the news channel or scroll social media for a few minutes and your mind will absorb story after story, of trauma, disaster, tragedy, oppression, devastation, disappointment, and heartache. Or even more, just look around your own household, neighborhood, or community to experience various forms of darkness.

For many, and at times throughout my own darkness, blaming God or the absence of a God, feels like the only way to justify the evil and darkness in us and around us. We find our selves wrestling with questions like:

How could a loving God allow such darkness to prevail in this world?
How could an all-knowing God turn his eyes from so much darkness?
How could a good God forsake so many helpless people during times of darkness?
How could a just God stay silent while darkness plagues humanity?
How could a powerful God sit by while the power of darkness seemingly triumphs?
How could an infallible God allow birth defects, genetic conditions, or mental disorders that feel dark and heavy?

And that's exactly what the enemy (discussed in the previous devotional) wants us to believe. That even IF there is a God, because the presence of darkness seems overwhelming, then He must be an unloving, detached, weak, uncaring, and powerless God.

But the truth is, that darkness has a ruler (Ephesians 6:12, ESV) , darkness has a limit (1 John 4:4, ESV) , and darkness has an end in store (Ezekiel 28:19, ESV) . These truths are only made possible because of WHO sources true and everlasting light in this life and the next. I want to share a few powerful truths that speak into the source of our light, and the hope that this light brings to our dark world. But I want you to notice the progression that takes place within these verses:

"God is light, and in him is no darkness at all" (1 John 1:5, ESV).

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" (John 1:1-4, ESV) .

"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life” (John 8:12, ESV) .

"As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world” (John 9:5, ESV) .

"For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." (2 Cor. 4:6, ESV) .

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that[ a ] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16, ESV).

Did you catch it? God is light, and he has been present from the beginning. His light manifested into flesh, through the person of Jesus. Jesus became the light of the world. But then Jesus ascended back to God who sent him, sending us the very Holy Spirit of God that we might become the light of the world to continue what Jesus began.

Our culture loves self-help methods that focus on self reliance to become a better person. But God makes it abundantly clear...while a true follower of God is called to be a light in this dark world, that light is sourced from God alone. That light is found in his word; his truth. And that light is instilled in us by the indwelling Holy Spirit, because of the work of Jesus.

Self empowerment and self-help has a limit. After all, if we were fully capable of healing ourselves and being enough for the dark world, why did we need empowerment and help to begin with? True light is not sourced from within; it is sourced from God. That light does, however, have the ability to dwell inside of us should we accept His invitation through Jesus. In that moment, the very light of God--a light, by the way, which is the only thing more powerful than the darkness of this world--indwells our hearts, minds, and lives, leading to powerful transformation.

The Source of Darkness

jennifer@sitefire.io (Jennifer Savage) — Sun, 08 Jun 2025 13:27:42 GMT

God Is Not The Enemy

Regardless of the vast differences that at times create barriers between humanity (i.e. religious differences, political differences, social differences, etc), there is one commonality that we all share: hardship. No matter what is or is not in a person's bank account, no matter how famous or unknown an individual is, no matter which political party a person supports, no matter how spiritual or non spiritual a person claims to be, we all experience various forms of hardship.

Maybe that hardship involves trauma, abuse, addiction, mental distress, chronic illness, death, relational tension, or a whole heap of other experiences. For thousands of years, humanity has done its very best to better understand suffering such as the source of it and how to endure or eradicate it.

And while I cannot speak for the other thousands of religious groups, belief systems, or ideologies that exist, I personally believe that suffering of any kind does not point to a non-existent, absent, disengaged, unloving, or cruel God. I do, however, believe that suffering is a result of God's enemy, Satan.

According to the historical accounts recorded in the Bible, “myriads” of angels were created prior to the creation of mankind, including the angel Lucifer, or later referred to as Satan. Many of these angels were to become “ministering spirits sent to serve” God’s people (Job 38:4-7, Revelation 5:11, Hebrews 1:14, ESV) . Lucifer, however, wasn’t just any angel. He was the first Archangel that God created, and the most beautifully ornate of them all. He was anointed by God as the “guardian cherub”, divinely chosen to guard the “holy mountain of God”. And, until “unrighteousness was found in” him, God considered him to be “blameless in (his) ways from the day (he was) created” (Ezekiel 28:13-15, ESV) .

So, what happened?

Satan stopped wanting to worship God and instead desired to be worshiped as a god. Not only did he use his free will to choose to sin against God, but he influenced one-third of the other angels to follow his lead (Revelations 12:4, ESV) . As a result, God “cast” him out and “exposed” him before others, making an example of what happens when one rebels against God and leads others to do the same (Ezekiel 28: 16, 17, ESV) .

Jesus would later describe what this site was like in the heavenly realm when he shared with his disciples, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven” (Luke 10:18, ESV) . So, what happened after Satan was banished from God’s heavenly kingdom? Well, he was given a lesser version of what his heart desired: temporary power, short-lived praise, easy-to-influence followers, and a corruptible, mortal earthly kingdom to reign over.

Satan’s sole mission became to disguise himself in this earthly kingdom "as an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14, ESV) . This means that he facilitates and motivates generations, movements, messages, and agendas that are packaged as truth, love, wisdom, intelligence, logic, and enlightenment, but whose end is spiritual (and sometimes physical) destruction. When Satan comes into our communities, homes, and hearts, he “comes to steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10-19, ESV) . Satan brought about illness, death, heartache, deception, abuse, and every other form of evil, darkness, wickedness and hardship.

You might be wondering, "So why didn't God just destroy Satan the moment he rebelled?" Though I’m no scholar, I believe this decision was based around two possible reasons.

The first, God only wishes for his creation, including the angels, to follow him by choice (free-will) as a product of love—not by force as a primary product of fear. The second, if the most cherished and anointed angel could misuse free-will to reject God, it would only be a matter of time before others did the same.

God, I believe, wanted his creation to have a choice then, and now. In His wisdom, He knew that many more would misuse free-will to follow in Satan’s footsteps. So, He gave Satan temporary reign over his earthly “kingdom”, though he will one day “come to a dreadful end and shall be no more forever” (Ezekiel 28:19, ESV) . As 1 John 4:4 says, though Satan is great in this world, God and His Spirit in us are even greater!

As disheartening or confusing as it may feel to learn that Satan and one-third of the angels have any level of reign over humanity which leads to every form of darkness and hardship, I find great comfort in knowing that two-thirds of the angels remained with God and continue to minister to and serve those of us who choose to walk in God’s light and according to God’s truth.

Hardship will not have the final say for those who choose to walk in the freedom of God's truth, love, peace, protection, guidance, forgiveness, strength, community, and light.

Walking in the Light

jennifer@sitefire.io (Jennifer Savage) — Sun, 01 Jun 2025 23:37:13 GMT

A Willingness to be Exposed

As mentioned in my first and second devotional, when we are in the thick of seasons of darkness, our minds and emotions can become detached from reality. These seasons feel completely disorienting as the enemy confuses us on how God and others view us, as well as how we view God, ourselves and the world around us.

After I accepted God's gift of Jesus as my savior, and buried my old self in the watery grave of baptism to rise as a new creation, there were two truths within God's word that completely reshaped how I understood the concept of light and darkness in regards to my relationship with God, myself, and others.

The first, was found in James 5:16:
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another,
that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

During my darkest moments, I was convinced that I needed to fix myself and polish myself up before approaching others for prayer or help. As in, I felt that I needed to overcome my darkness so that I could later share with others the darkness I had walked through. But this wisdom shared by James, the half brother of Jesus, completely reversed that process.

The first step within the healing process should be to confess that we are struggling; both to God, but also to a healthy community filled with Godly and righteous people that can be trusted with our information. That struggle may or may not involve a sin, but at the least, might involve a heavy thought, temptation, or weight that we are having a hard time letting go of. The second step should be receiving powerful prayer and wisdom from that community. Often times this involves being reminded of God's truth, being held accountable, or receiving strength from the faith of others through prayer. It is after these two steps, that true healing begins to take place.

In light of this, I began to prioritize being a part of a healthy church community that cultivates and demonstrates transparent, safe, and trustworthy community groups that meet weekly to provide times of confession, prayer, and encouragement. This was life changing for me as I learned how, when, and to whom I should share my darkness with.

The second truth, was found in 1 John 1:5-9:
"This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him, while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Growing up, I always understood that walking in the light referred to obedience. As in, as long as we are obedient to God, then we have fellowship with others and receive forgiveness. But as I looked at the context of this passage, I noticed that this passage is referring to a lifestyle of bringing darkness into God's light through confession within community. It is the very process of continually exposing our darkness by God's light, that not only purifies us, but that also connects us deeper into "fellowship with him" and "fellowship with one another".

These two approaches to light and darkness completely shifted how I viewed transparent openness with any level of darkness inside of me, as well as how I viewed the importance of intimate and trustworthy community. I am so blessed to have a trustworthy group of Godly individuals that I meet with every week that beautifully fosters a space where we can all vulnerable share our struggles or mistakes, powerfully pray over one another, remind each other of God's truth, and celebrate the power of the Holy Spirit that helps to keep us in God's light.

And while a willingness to continually be exposed to God's light felt foreign and uncomfortable at first, it is now something that I deeply value and prioritize. This process has been one of the most significant additions to my life, and without it, I would not have experienced the level of healing and transformation that I have experienced.

More Powerful Than Darkness

jennifer@sitefire.io (Jennifer Savage) — Fri, 23 May 2025 19:49:18 GMT

His Light is Greater

If you haven't already, check out Part I of this devotional here .

As mentioned in Part I, in my darkest seasons of mental distress related to OCD, I was so disoriented to what was true about myself, others, God, and the world around me. The power of darkness felt all consuming, greater than any force that I had ever encountered before. So much so that it led to intense suicidal ideation which I wrestled with for years.

One night as I was writing a suicide note and planning how to take my life, I noticed someone else's Bible laying on a piece of furniture beside me. Full of anger and disappointment in the God who "couldn't" or "wouldn't" fix me, I picked up the Bible and threw it across the room. It bounced off of the bed, landed on the ground, and opened to reveal one highlighted sentence in the middle of the page. I walked over and bent down to read the highlighted words which said, "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

I immediately gasped and burst into tears. In that moment, God was telling me, "Jen, you do have an enemy, but that enemy is not me. And that enemy is the cause of every form of suffering and darkness that you have experienced. And yes, I do exist, by the way. And I am so much greater than the enemy you have encountered in this world."

While it was true that the darkness in me and around me was great, I realized in that moment that God was offering me something more powerful than darkness. He was offering me His light.

In John 8:12, we read these words from Jesus, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life ." And though it took several more years of God faithfully pursuing me amidst my rebellion, unfaithfulness, and disbelief, on October 6, 2019 I accepted His invitation to walk in the freedom and peace of His light through baptism. I entered that watery grave covered in wounds brought on by the darkness of the world. But as I rose from that water, all of those wounds were washed away. I rose as a new creation. Regardless of the internal challenges that I was born with, or the external challenges of the world I was born into, through Jesus I had the opportunity to be reborn (Romans 6:1-3, Galatians 3:27, 1 Peter 3:21-22, Acts 2:38).

The result? Well, the "light of life" consumed me in all the very places that were before consumed by darkness. On that day, once and for all, my desire to end my life transformed into a desire to passionately, whole-heartedly, purposefully, and joyfully live my life for God. From there, over the course of several years, God led me to the very resources, tools, truths, and people that would bring continual healing to my mind, body, and soul.

As I walk deeper and deeper down the path of healing, I can't help but ache for those who are still aimlessly wandering on the path of darkness. My growing desire is to help lead others out of that disoriented state, and towards a life marked by the one thing more powerful than darkness: a life marked by God's light.

The Darkness of Mental Distress

jennifer@sitefire.io (Jennifer Savage) — Fri, 23 May 2025 19:18:22 GMT

Disoriented & Distressed

I never understood the fear of darkness until I experienced the complete absence of light for the first time. My family and I were on vacation and decided to take my nieces and nephews on a tour through a cave. The kids were stoked. After receiving our headlamps and safety instructions, our tour guide led us through a door and into the entrance of the cave.

Upon entering, we were met with cool, damp air against our faces as our lungs took in the musty smell of cave matter. Man-made lights dimly flickered, casting shadows across the rocky formations. All around us were the sounds of dripping water, the fluttering of bat wings, and echoes that disappeared into unknown spaces. Despite its beauty and mystery, the cave was flat-out creepy.

As we arrived at the heart of the cave, the guide instructed us to gather around as he told the story of how the cave was discovered by a few explorers. After the initial discovery, the explorers would lower themselves down on a slat of wood that was attached to a rope, with lantern in hand. Without any idea of the size, depth, or shape of the cave, the men could only see as far as their lamps would allow. In order to avoid being suspended in total darkness, the crew had to perfectly time each exploration based on the duration of the oil in their lamps.

To help us better appreciate what the explorers felt if and when their lanterns went out mid exploration, the tour guide instructed that on the count of three, all lights be turned off.
“One.”
“Two.”
“Three!”
Total…darkness.

The guide instructed us to wave our hands directly in front of our faces. Nothing! I literally could not see my hand that was less than half an inch away from my eyeballs. He then instructed us to remain silent for one minute so that we could take in the “sound of absolute darkness”. Hands down, the longest minute of my life.

The weight of darkness crushed me and began to play deceptive tricks on my mind. The cave began to spin rapidly around me. The platform beneath my feet began to give out, threatening to drop me into the black hole below. The people around me were no longer there, leaving me to fend for myself.

Or so it seemed.

Just when I was on the verge of having a meltdown, the guide turned the lights back on. To my surprise, the cave was not spinning furiously around me. The platform was perfectly secured beneath my feet. People were still packed around me like sardines. I was safe. Despite its every effort, the deception of darkness was limited by the clarity of light’s presence.

Did you know that darkness is nothing ? As in, the actual definition of darkness is, “the partial or total absence of light”. ¹ Without light, we are left with darkness; we are left with nothing . Maybe that’s why living in darkness feels so disorienting, because it literally offers us nothing.

For so many years, I assumed that the darkness inside of me and around me was God's doing, as if He was the enemy and one to blame. But over time, I came to learn that any darkness or evil that I experienced in this life, did not reflect the absence of a loving God, but rather the absence of God's love in my heart and mind (or in the hearts and minds around me).

Ephesians 6:12 teaches us that in this life, "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness , against the spiritual forces of evil..."

So though I did suffer with a mental disorder known as OCD, the ruler of darkness and the enemy of my soul, Satan, stepped into those empty spaces of my mind that were void of God's light, God's truth, and God's love, and began to wreak havoc. And, being the "father of lies" who aims to disguise himself "as an angel of light", Satan took advantage of my distress as he disoriented me in "deep darkness" until I no longer knew "over what" I stumbled (2 Cor. 11:14, John 8:44, Proverbs 4:19).

In my darkest seasons of mental distress, I was so disoriented to the truth about myself, others, my creator, my purpose, my worth, my suffering, my identity, and so much more. I lost the ability to determine reality. My thoughts and processing abilities became irrational and based in lies, not truth.

I wouldn't wish the darkness of mental distress on anyone. Which is why I am passionate about sharing the light that led me out of that darkness and reoriented me to God's light, truth, love, and plan over my life.

You can read about that process in Part II of this devotional.

Resources
1- https://www.oed.com/search/dictionary/?scope=Entries&q=DARKNESS